It's Not You, It's Me
Having a Major League God and Minor League Struggles:
Will I ever be ready?
April is here and baseball has started and frankly, I am never ready for it.
Time and time again the level of anxiety and stress this lifestyle brings can be numbing. Packing up our lives and moving for what could be 6 months, is a lot to swallow. My body goes into survival mode where processing my emotions mean sitting them on a back burner until I have time to face them.
I am ashamed to say I have felt stuck in survival mode for the past few seasons. Questioning wether my mental sanity, disrupting our lives, or never putting down roots-is all worth it. I flip-flop between embracing the uncertainty and longing to live a “normal” life.
What is difficult to express is we are so thankful for the opportunity, and for this path, but guys- I would be lying if I didn’t say I struggle with it!
It is not lost on us how blessed we are to have a job in baseball. I know there are many that would be more than happy to take our place. I may even get some eye roll’s from this post-but I am sure many can relate as well.
My husband is in a unique spot. He is still getting to do something he loves to do and is providing for our family. However we find ourselves starting another season in the Minor Leagues while his dreams remain in the Bigs.
So what now?
I rest in God’s word. “Do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” 2 Corinthians 4:18.
The truth is, I AM going to struggle. It’s happening now! I can't hide it. But with Christ in me I can acknowledge my fears WILL NOT last forever. They are temporary. This whole lifestyle is temporary. The tears, heartbreaks, setbacks-all the things are just temporary.
As much as I want to clench my fist and wave a magic wand to make my husbands dreams a reality. It doesn’t work that way (dang it). Being a Christian does not mean we will live a life free from troubles. It means resting on what is unshakeable. It means constantly trying to capture negative thoughts and filter them through Jesus: “whatever is true, noble, right, think on these things” Phil 4:8.
So for now, I will continue to battle myself to maintain present. To not let memories pass me by. To embrace the here and now and constantly lean on Jesus for help through it all because one thing is for sure. God is the same God-wether we are in the Big Leagues or Minor Leagues.